Lenten Detox, Part 3: The Comparison Game

She always has her kids’ toys so organized. Our play area always looks like Toys R Us at noon on Black Friday. She just seems to accomplish so much in a day! I can’t even get the living room vacuumed. Her kids are so cute and stylish, mine show up for play dates with dried yogurt crusted into their hair. She really has it together…and she looks so good doing it, too. 

The comparison game. It’s even more addicting than social media.

I don’t remember doing this before I had kids. Or at least, it seemed much more under control. I would check myself promptly, telling myself no good could come from mental comparisons with coworkers or friends. Now, as a mom, and a mom who has stopped to listen for a moment to what’s going on in my head, I realize I do this often.

As a friend said to me, “Nothing brings out your insecurities like raising kids!” So true. Part of that insecurity, which just seems to come with the territory, is checking how other moms discipline their kids, feed their kids, educate their kids…to name just a few.

I think part of the reason we do this so much is our modern day disconnect between the way mom raised her kids, and the way we’re raising kids, or supposed to be raising kids. Years ago, you just did things the way mom and grandma did them, and you were okay. Now, for myriad reasons, that simple system has broken down. So many voices are telling us how we should be parenting. It’s overwhelming!

I believe that deep down, we need to know that we are doing okay. We’re wired to see whether we’re measuring up.

And I realized something. God actually wants us to make comparisons.

But. Not with other moms. Rather, with Him! Isn’t that what He is saying when He states: “Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect”? He is calling us to make that comparison. “Forget about others around you, for the moment,” He’s saying. “Look at Me. You must look at Me. Tell me what you see.”

The season of Lent is the perfect time to look, really look, again. Here is what we see. Perfection. Perfection that is, in fact, blinding. It made Saul’s world go black for three days. It made Moses’ face so bright that he had to keep it covered. It makes the angels hold their wings over their eyes. When we get a glimpse of that perfection, our suspicion is confirmed–we don’t measure up. We fall hopelessly short.

And that’s what God wants us to see. But why? Does he want me to compare myself to Him so that I can feel even worse about mistakes I’m making as a mom, or even more insecure?

No. We have to look at Him, compare ourselves with him, in order that we can see how much we need his help. He loves us too much to tell us, “I’m okay, you’re okay,” pat us on the back and send us on our way…back to the difficult task of mothering that will make us feel not okay again in 30 seconds. And back to looking around at other moms with whom we can compare ourselves. He wants to break that cycle. He wants to cure us. He wants to set us free. He lifts our eyes to himself and we get that glimpse of perfection. We see our need to be cured.

Then he opens our eyes to see his Son. Jesus did everything perfectly during his life on earth. He always made the right decisions. He faultlessly met all the needs of all the many needy people in his life. Now we trust God when he assures us that we have Jesus’ perfection.

“[Jesus] has perfected forever those who are sanctified.” (Hebrews 10:14)

“For Christ is the culmination [or fulfillment] of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes.” (Romans 10:4)

We don’t get the security of knowing we’re okay by comparing ourselves with other moms. We get it by believing that Jesus lived perfectly in our place. God now sees us as perfect…perfect women, and, yes, perfect moms. In Christ, we measure up to the only standard that counts.

No guilt. No games. I’m free to listen to the voices of parenting advice without feeling guilty about what I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve been doing. I’m free to appreciate the different gifts God has given other moms without feeling insecure. I’m free to see other moms as sisters to walk with, learn from, and serve. That’s true freedom, for today and every day.